Feel me up before you go-go

Hello friends!

Plan "B" here after a MUCH needed extended vacation.  I spent the last 2 weeks staying with a friend in an undisclosed tropical locale.  It was awesome, the weather was perfect.  I was kicking at the beach everyday, loving every minute of it.  Matter of fact, I want you all to address me as Plan Beach from now on...meh, nevermind that, Plan "B" works fine.  Anyways, it felt really good to get out of NY.   Turns out, I was really stressed!  I guess fighting the new world order on a daily basis can really wear a man out...I can only imagine how people on the REAL front lines feel.  Shout out to them!

Lets talk airport security! The last time I was on a airplane was 2007, so I was really anxious to get a first had look at how intrusive the airport security had really become.  My primary concern was the body scanners.  Were they using them?  Would I have to go through one?  Did I have to balls to 'opt-out'? I flew out of JFK and was relieved to find that they were NOT using the back scatter body scanners, unfortunately, the undisclosed airport I flew back from DID use them.

SIDE NOTE: The weird thing about the body scanners is that they are called "Rapiscans" that's the actual name of them!  I always thought people were calling them Rapescans because they were so intrusive but that's their names.  I thought that was funny and ironic.  

The undisclosed airport had 4 security lanes open, 2 of which were using the body scanners.  I mistakenly ended up in the body scanner line because it was the shortest line of the 4 but I quickly got off the line when I realized what was going on.  There was no need for me to 'opt out', but I would have!  As I left the body scanner line for the normal metal detector line I heard a TSA agent announce that "all passengers with infants and baby strollers must go through gate 1".  Gate 1 was the body scanner line! WTF!?!?!  I didn't see any babies go through the scanner and I'm glad I didn't because I probably would have caused scene and end up getting myself arrested.

Man, fuck the TSA!  Maybe it's just me but they gave me a really creepy vibe at both airports I flew out of.  None of the agents were friendly, they were all sloppy looking people with bad attitudes who could barley speak English.  Real prize winners!   When I asked an agent about the possibility of walking through a body scanner machine the bitch looked at me like I was crazy.  I felt like slapping that stupid look off her face.  "you know, those illegal naked body scanners that shoot people with deadly x-rays, ever heard of em before Pilar???"  OWNED!

My feelings about the TSA screening process being a complete waste of time were confirmed when I witnessed the public groping of an 85 year old grandmother.  She was probably picked at random for a pat-down but really??  How fucking stupid is that??  God forbid the TSA profile terrorist and criminals!!  RACISTS!!!!!!!!   This poor woman was giving an extremely embarrassing pat-down in front of everyone at the security check point.  They made her lift her shirt half way up, exposing her flabby old belly.  They felt up on her boobies.  They got all up in her crotchal region.  They stuck their hands INSIDE her pants before finally giving her the "OK" to go.  I just shook my head in disgust as I walked away.

I'm all for airport safety but these security measures need to be re-evaluated.  The TSA is like the airport gestapo running around in their ugly dark blue uniforms and I'm not down with it at all!!!