Knock Knock!

Hey everyone!  Plan "B" here, fresh off suicide watch since returning that $700.  Time to move on.

I got a knock on my door this afternoon from a US census worker!  I was shocked and amazed to say the least.  I don't know about you, but I didn't fill out my census forms.  Fuck that!  I can't even pay my bills on time, what makes you think I'm gonna go out of my way to mail you some retarded census?  Time came and went, I tossed that shit in the trash and never gave it a second thought.  My buddy was insistent that government workers would come knocking on my door one day to get census information.  I laughed him off.  "There's no WAY census people will come here." Here?  To this little apartment, in this little town?  It just seemed like such a gigantic waste of time.  I never thought they'd actually come but part of me wanted to see if someone would really come knocking on my door.  Sure enough!

I had a ton of dishes piled up in the sink and they were starting to get smelly.  It was from the bowls of chocolate cheerios I'd been eating.  A few of the bowls had some left over milk in them, they were sitting in the sink for a few days and they started to get funky.  Finally I decided to clean em.  Just as I start to hit my dish washing stride I hear a knock at the door.  "wtf??" I thought. "Who is it!?" I yell.  "United States Census worker sir..."  I sneak a peek through the blinds on the kitchen window.  There's a middle age lady with black rimmed glasses standing in front of my door wearing a census worker bag over her shoulder, holding a clip board.  My hands were wet, I was cooking some dinner, I was taking down a monster pile of dishes I didn't want to deal with this shit!  "Come back later I'm in the middle of something!" I yelled.  She says "You never returned your survey sir that's why I'm here."  Dramatically I say "well I don't know where you're from young lady but stamps don't grow on trees around here!"  "It'll only take a moment sir."  UGH!

I opened the door with a real attitude, like I was in the middle of something really important.  The lady seemed flustered at first.  Probably because I answered the door in a tight muscular tank top showcasing my amazing body.  I couldn't blame her.  She asks if she can get the survey information from me now.  "What if I say no?'  I smugly asked her.  She tells me it's the law that I participate in the survey and if I don't I could be arrested.  I laughed.  "You gonna arrest me!? You got some handcuffs in that bag?"  There was a moment of awkward silence once I finished laughing.  I could tell she wasn't going to be any fun, so I told her to get it over with so I can "go back to what I was doing."  She takes a census form out of her bag, just like the one I threw in the garbage weeks ago.  She begins to fill it out on her own which I found odd.  Besides my name and telephone number,  the only questions she asked me were 'do you live here alone?' and 'do you consider yourself to be of spanish descent?'  "Are you kidding??"  I asked.  "I'm sorry I gotta ask!"  She finished up the rest pretty quickly.  "Was that so bad..." She had a little attitude in her tone, I could sense it.  How dare she!

The entire process was pretty simple actually, I was just being a dick and making things harder because I could!  You never know what you're gonna get when you come knocking on my door!  Plus, I like to make solicitors earn it!  The whole thing reminded me of when I used to get other people to do my homework for me in high school.  They'd fill out all the answers and I just put my name on the top!  "Yo, you got that homework!  Next time dont be using pencil, use some blue ink thats all I got!"  What a joke.  The information she got was so basic she probably could have gotten it with some savvy facebook stalking.  Trust me on dat!