My single friends are dropping faster then Obama's approval rating, leaving Plan "B" on that weird island of unmarried 30 somethings. Won't someone come and save me!!
Sunday morning concluded the end of my 2010 wedding season and my wallet couldn't be happier! Weddings are a lot of fun but they're really expensive for everyone involved. Personally, I make it a habit of giving cash as my gift, which I'm starting to rethink. I noticed a bunch people bringing items from off the registry which is a good way to give gift without coming off like a cheap skate. Smart play tight wads!
I went to 3 weddings this year, all within one week. All of them were fun and they each had they're own highlights according to me. One was a good dancing wedding, one was a big drinking wedding and one was a great food wedding. All were a no pussy wedding but hey...what can ya do. I guess girls arent interested in mysterious guys who wear a red bandanas over their face and talk about global government. Your loss ladies 'cuz I love to cuddle!
Lemme just say that while hotel rooms have become more and more elegant and home-like, the beds completely suck! First off, the comforters are way too heavy! They feel like 10 pound lead jackets and I always end of throwing them off the bed. Pillows can be a hit or miss depending on where you're staying. The pillows I was given at a NJ Sheraton were AWFUL! They were the super soft pillows that kinda wrap around your head when you lay down, you know? ....kinda like sitting in a bean bag. It's a bean bag for your head. Those suck! I'm a firm pillow man and I'm not gonna apologize for that. But wouldn't it make sense to provide guests with 2 soft pillows and 2 firm pillows?? NJ sheraton gave out 4 bean bag pillows and I was so annoyed!
Finally, Plan "B" would like to extend a major FUCK YOU shout out to the dooshbag NJ police officer who pulled me over for a "cell phone while driving" violation. Plan "B" getting pulled over by police??? Noooo! What a surprise! Can I just say... New Jersey is just a stupid state in general. The people are notoriously bad drivers and they're highway systems are retarded. For example, you have to make a right hand turn if you want to go left....what?!?
Anyways, I got lost on my way down to the final wedding of the season and placed a call to a useless friend for some help. He told me to pull over at a gas station and ask for directions. What great advice! As I'm about to hang up I drive past this cop who clearly sees me on the phone. We made eye contact and all. I quickly pull into the nearest gas station and get out of my car to ask for directions from the attendant when Mr. Hero Police man comes zooming up to my ride. I can not express the lack of respect I have for suburban police officers from wealthy towns who do nothing all day but harass motorists for petty moving violations and who do it with tough guy attitudes. I tried to explain to this meat head cop that I was lost and needed directions but my words fell on deaf ears. He wouldn't even answer any question I had until he wrote up my ticket. When he handed me my $130 bill he was ready to listen to my problem but that only irritated me so I started to mouth off at him a bit. "You're seriously gonna give me a ticket!?" "Aren't cops supposed to help people??" He didn't care much for my comments and began to lecture me on the law and cell phone safety. Like cops NEVER talk on their cell phone while driving. No, no, no... they're ABOVE the law! Piece of shit... No matter what people may tell you, there's no getting out of a ticket...unless you're woman who A) can cry on cue or B) have nice tits. Other then that you're screwed. Tickets equal revenue for cops and the more the generate the more they get.
Much respect to police officers in urban war zones who fight real crime on a daily basis. For the ones who sit in state of the art cruisers, making 6 figures a year ticketing soccer moms in mini vans for going 60 in a 55. GET A LIFE YOU NAPOLEON COMPLEX HAVING, NO FRIENDS IN HIGH SCHOOL, FAKE TOUGH GUY, POWER ABUSING, TAX PAYER MONEY DRAINING JERKS! I hope your radar gun gives you cancer!
Grr! Plan "B" out!
