Last night I attended a birthday party/ benefit at a local bar. The birthday was for a friend and the benefit for something that I cant remember, but I do remember not giving any money toward the cause. Fuck that. Plan "Bs" money only goes to food, rent, and intoxicants.
So here I am at this party, getting boozed up. A small gathering of around 40 people. Not much in the way of eye candy but a few cougars on the prowl (I went home alone). The bartender was attentive and always ready with a cold beer when ever I approached the bar. Fine service!
My friend drags me around the party introducing me to small pockets of people. I marvel each group with some quick humor and sharp wit, thus adding to my already hilarious reputation. At the end of the 'friend tour' I find myself standing at a bar table with some people I didn't know. I was eating some buffalo wings w/ a fresh beer making chit chat with this guy and his girlfriend. They seemed cool enough. We glossed over the usual bullshit party conversation. You know, "what do you do?" Etc. That's when things got strange.
The convo was nothing out of the ordinary. I most spoke with the boyfriend about whatever. That is until the subject of politics came up. He was the one who broached the subject by making some half hearted joke about government being 'too big'. I was glad he brought it up, Plan "B" never misses an opportunity to spread the word about the globalist agenda. Plus I had watched some great videos on Infowars.com earlier in the day so I was all jazzed up and ready to debate! I humored the dude with a laugh as to not make him feel so awkward then followed by saying that I wasn't a fan of government big or small. He goes on to ask me if I was a Republican or a Libertarian. I told him I was more of the anarchist type. He paused for a second and casually says "well, maybe I shouldn't tell you this but I'm a 6 year Freemason..." Whaaaaaaaat!?!?
My friend drags me around the party introducing me to small pockets of people. I marvel each group with some quick humor and sharp wit, thus adding to my already hilarious reputation. At the end of the 'friend tour' I find myself standing at a bar table with some people I didn't know. I was eating some buffalo wings w/ a fresh beer making chit chat with this guy and his girlfriend. They seemed cool enough. We glossed over the usual bullshit party conversation. You know, "what do you do?" Etc. That's when things got strange.
The convo was nothing out of the ordinary. I most spoke with the boyfriend about whatever. That is until the subject of politics came up. He was the one who broached the subject by making some half hearted joke about government being 'too big'. I was glad he brought it up, Plan "B" never misses an opportunity to spread the word about the globalist agenda. Plus I had watched some great videos on Infowars.com earlier in the day so I was all jazzed up and ready to debate! I humored the dude with a laugh as to not make him feel so awkward then followed by saying that I wasn't a fan of government big or small. He goes on to ask me if I was a Republican or a Libertarian. I told him I was more of the anarchist type. He paused for a second and casually says "well, maybe I shouldn't tell you this but I'm a 6 year Freemason..." Whaaaaaaaat!?!?
Freemasons. They're the secret society scum that's behind global government and the New World Order. Plan "Bs" sworn enemies! Something wasn't right. Surely he knew who I was...
I played it cool as I continued to match wits with this low level Freemason. I pressed him on certain topics to see if he would crack up. He insisted that he knew nothing of the massive plot to implode global economies thus forcing the creation of a one world government. How convenient... He tried to convince me that the Freemasons were "a brotherhood, who only do good for their communities". I wasn't buying that shit. He was clearly trying to engage me in some type of psychological warfare by lulling me to sleep with his propaganda. Crafty Freemason!
This was a sticky situation. Plan "B" was exposed. Out in the open. No back up. No Plan B! WTF!? Paranoia starts to run wild. What was this Freemason up to?? Did they know I was here!? Are they following me?? Was this a diabolical plot to drag Plan "B" out of hiding!? Who else here was a Freemason!? How could I be so stupid!?!
I played it cool as I continued to match wits with this low level Freemason. I pressed him on certain topics to see if he would crack up. He insisted that he knew nothing of the massive plot to implode global economies thus forcing the creation of a one world government. How convenient... He tried to convince me that the Freemasons were "a brotherhood, who only do good for their communities". I wasn't buying that shit. He was clearly trying to engage me in some type of psychological warfare by lulling me to sleep with his propaganda. Crafty Freemason!
This was a sticky situation. Plan "B" was exposed. Out in the open. No back up. No Plan B! WTF!? Paranoia starts to run wild. What was this Freemason up to?? Did they know I was here!? Are they following me?? Was this a diabolical plot to drag Plan "B" out of hiding!? Who else here was a Freemason!? How could I be so stupid!?!
I calmly excuse myself from the conversation by announcing my need for another beer. I scan the room for threats as I make my way toward the bar. Everyone seemed like a suspect... except the bartender. He sure was a happy looking mothafucka. Standing behind the bar with a cold beer ready for me before I even asked for it! Talk about service! I grab the beer and take a long swig to calm my nerves. Things were getting blurry. Only 4 beers in and I'm this fucked up?? Something's up...
I get back to the table ready to continue my interrogation of this Freemason operative. All the sudden I started getting the sweats. The room was going dim. Images were blurry and moving slow. Peoples voices were distorted. "Are you all right??" Someone asks. I look up in a moment of clarity and see the Freemason giving a nod to someone behind me. I turn around to see the bartender returning the nod with an evil smile upon his face. He must have been poisoning my beers! And to think all this time it was good service! I even tipped the guy! Geez!
I lose my balance, knocking bottles and glasses off the table. I again excuse myself and stumble toward the bathroom.
In the bathroom I'm franticly splashing water on my face. I keep telling myself to remain calm. Suddenly, the bathroom door swings open. I stop what I'm doing. "Is everything ok....Plan "B"?" It was the Freemason. My worst fears were confirmed. The Freemason approached me slowly as I backed up against the wall. He starts talking about my blogspot, how I needed to shut it down and shut my mouth or else. "Or else what?!?" I said. He pulls out a silver blade with a serrated edge from his pocket. "Or else this!" He lunges at me! Slashing the blade toward my neck! I duck and weave, evading the blade at every slash and poke. We tussle in bathroom, as I try to wrestle the knife out of his hand I lock on to his knife hand with my 2 hands and forcefully drive him back against the bathroom wall. The knife breaks free and falls to the ground. I ram a few knee shots into his rip cage knocking him down to the ground then I break for the bathroom door!
I burst out of the bathroom and quickly make my way toward the nearest exit. The bartender, noticing the commotion, jumps out from behind the bar and starts chasing after me with a wooden baseball bat!
I get out of the bar and it's pouring rain. The rain on my face helps to break up the effects of the poison put in my booze. Running down the street, the Freemason operatives are hot on my trail. I sprint in the direction of my car which was a few short blocks away.
As I reached the parking lot the bartender had caught up with me. He swings the bat and catches me in the back of the leg! I stumbled then fell hard to the ground. He swings and hits me with a shot to my right shoulder area! Man that hurt! Now the bartender is standing over me. He tries to tomahawk smash me in the head but I catch the barrel of the bat just as it's about to meet my face! I kick the bartender in the balls, momentarily crippling him, then I used his body weight against him and flipped him over me. I struggle to get to my feet.
By this time the Freemason was rounding the corner with blade in hand. I was holding the baseball bat. The bartender was on the ground reeling in pain from my testicle kick.
The Freemason reaches at me for a stab but I ninja-block it with the bat and follow up with a spinning back hand punch! He's bent over in agony holding his face probably because I broke his jaw with my hammer fist. I send this Freemason villain to the ground using a viscous leg sweep. Out of nowhere the bartender reemerges, trying to choke me out from behind! A powerful headbutt with the back of my head sends him stumbling back with a broken nose. I finish him off with a blow to the head from the wooden baseball bat. I relax and breathe a sigh of relief... I drop the baseball bat on the ground...
Suddenly, I'm blind side tackled on to the hood of my car by the Freemason! This guy dont quit! He tries to jam the blade into my throat and I'm using all my strength to stop him! It got really close! We struggle for control of the knife. My arm breaks free and I deliver a powerful left elbow across his face. The knife shakes free and I grab it. Without any hesitation I stab him 3 times under his armpit, prison style. His lifeless body slides to the ground. I got in my car and BOUNCED!
I got home and popped an Ellios into the oven all that fighting and killing had made me hungry!
EDITORS NOTE: 90% of this story is bullshit
I get back to the table ready to continue my interrogation of this Freemason operative. All the sudden I started getting the sweats. The room was going dim. Images were blurry and moving slow. Peoples voices were distorted. "Are you all right??" Someone asks. I look up in a moment of clarity and see the Freemason giving a nod to someone behind me. I turn around to see the bartender returning the nod with an evil smile upon his face. He must have been poisoning my beers! And to think all this time it was good service! I even tipped the guy! Geez!
I lose my balance, knocking bottles and glasses off the table. I again excuse myself and stumble toward the bathroom.
In the bathroom I'm franticly splashing water on my face. I keep telling myself to remain calm. Suddenly, the bathroom door swings open. I stop what I'm doing. "Is everything ok....Plan "B"?" It was the Freemason. My worst fears were confirmed. The Freemason approached me slowly as I backed up against the wall. He starts talking about my blogspot, how I needed to shut it down and shut my mouth or else. "Or else what?!?" I said. He pulls out a silver blade with a serrated edge from his pocket. "Or else this!" He lunges at me! Slashing the blade toward my neck! I duck and weave, evading the blade at every slash and poke. We tussle in bathroom, as I try to wrestle the knife out of his hand I lock on to his knife hand with my 2 hands and forcefully drive him back against the bathroom wall. The knife breaks free and falls to the ground. I ram a few knee shots into his rip cage knocking him down to the ground then I break for the bathroom door!
I burst out of the bathroom and quickly make my way toward the nearest exit. The bartender, noticing the commotion, jumps out from behind the bar and starts chasing after me with a wooden baseball bat!
I get out of the bar and it's pouring rain. The rain on my face helps to break up the effects of the poison put in my booze. Running down the street, the Freemason operatives are hot on my trail. I sprint in the direction of my car which was a few short blocks away.
As I reached the parking lot the bartender had caught up with me. He swings the bat and catches me in the back of the leg! I stumbled then fell hard to the ground. He swings and hits me with a shot to my right shoulder area! Man that hurt! Now the bartender is standing over me. He tries to tomahawk smash me in the head but I catch the barrel of the bat just as it's about to meet my face! I kick the bartender in the balls, momentarily crippling him, then I used his body weight against him and flipped him over me. I struggle to get to my feet.
By this time the Freemason was rounding the corner with blade in hand. I was holding the baseball bat. The bartender was on the ground reeling in pain from my testicle kick.
The Freemason reaches at me for a stab but I ninja-block it with the bat and follow up with a spinning back hand punch! He's bent over in agony holding his face probably because I broke his jaw with my hammer fist. I send this Freemason villain to the ground using a viscous leg sweep. Out of nowhere the bartender reemerges, trying to choke me out from behind! A powerful headbutt with the back of my head sends him stumbling back with a broken nose. I finish him off with a blow to the head from the wooden baseball bat. I relax and breathe a sigh of relief... I drop the baseball bat on the ground...
Suddenly, I'm blind side tackled on to the hood of my car by the Freemason! This guy dont quit! He tries to jam the blade into my throat and I'm using all my strength to stop him! It got really close! We struggle for control of the knife. My arm breaks free and I deliver a powerful left elbow across his face. The knife shakes free and I grab it. Without any hesitation I stab him 3 times under his armpit, prison style. His lifeless body slides to the ground. I got in my car and BOUNCED!
I got home and popped an Ellios into the oven all that fighting and killing had made me hungry!
EDITORS NOTE: 90% of this story is bullshit
1 comment:
I hope the part that is bullshit is that you were at a friends birthday party and benefit. Kill Kill Kill the Masons
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