"B" stands for Barf!

Whatup blog readers!  Plan "B" loves you and I hope you know that!

I went out this weekend for my buddy Rocky's 30th birthday.  He's the last in my group of friends to turn 30 so that means I don't have to go to anymore birthday parties until we all turn 40.   This past weekend marks the 4th weekend in a row I've gone "out".  Plan "B" doesn't party like he used....mostly cuz he's broke!  You know the party was a good time when you puke and that's exactly what my buddy Rocky did.  He was a one man barf-o-rama!  Happy birthday Rocky!

Speaking of throwing up...did you happen to catch SNL this weekend??  Ugh... this show just keeps getting worse n worse.  They did a Tiger Woods sketch that was 'meh' at best but Keenan Thompson is just horrendous and his portrayal of Tiger Woods was garbage.  If he wasn't black he wouldn't be on that show.



Back to the subject at hand, puking!  Rocky's birthday barf got me thinking of my own vomiting experiences.  So, here are my Top 5 alcohol/drug induced vomit stories.

NUMBER 5:
Back in the day we used to have the illest block party on my street.  It was a tradition that started when I was a young boy and continued til I was in college.  During those college years we'd get FUCK'D up! Mad kegs n what not... anyways, I had eaten too many burgers that day and during intermission of a massive 'flip cup' game I stumbled over to a near by garbage can and puked.  Turns out a bunch of neighbors were standing right behind the garbage can and as I'm throwing up I hear my friends mother utter, "oh, B!"  Good times!

NUMBER 4: 
Christmas Eve of 2004 I got really drunk at my cousins house, they live in Albany.  I was crushing Jack n Cokes all day, damn near finished the whole bottle for self!  I was bent!  Toward the end of the night I found myself laying on the ground singing christmas tunes and quoting Anchorman.  After a brutal 3 hour drive back home I bust out of the car and immediately throw up on the sidewalk.  With my parents proudly watching on I make it up the steps only to throw up again.  I look up at my disgusted mother and with barf hanging from my lips say "merry christmas mom!"

NUMBER 3:
College was a crazy time for me, that's why it only lasted 3 semesters.  2nd semester I find myself celebrating St. Patrick's Day in a college known for it's hard partying ways.  A whole bunch of us were partying in my room and I drank a 12 pak before heading out to the bars...oh yea, and we smoke a ton of hash too!  An hour later I find myself getting arrested for public urination!  On the bus ride back to campus I puked on the empty seat next to me.  I got off at the next stop and walked the rest of way.

NUMBER 2:
The first time I ever got drunk was my senior year in high school.  I didn't drink or do drugs in high school because I didn't need to, I was already the coolest kid in school!  Senior year a bunch of us crashed another high schools party.  I'm slugging a 6'r of Bud Ice having a great time!  Next thing I know all out war breaks out!  One of the biggest fights I had ever seen.  In the midst of the chaos I see this kid (from the other HS) get a 40oz broken over his head.  His face was covered in blood and he was getting stomped out like people were trying to put out a fire.  It was brutal and gross.  We flee the scene as the cops show up and I'm on the verge of puking.   On the ride home I tell my friend to pull over so i can throw up, he does and so do I.   After I boot we continue to drive and I'm yelling at him to drive slower, he was going like 15 MPH.   Finally, we get back to my friends house and I throw up some more.  I made my friend walk me home and he did only because he lived across the street.

NUMBER 1:
A few years ago my buddy was house sitting for some people he knew.  They grew mad pot and always hooked him up. So a few of us went over to this place to blaze up.  Back then my boy used to smoke out of this triple bubble bong, it was a freaking monster!!  I step up and take a few rips off this destroyer and immediately I'm retarded.  Then I get this feeling like I'm gonna throw up but I don't want anyone to know I'm gonna puke because they'd make fun of me, so I discretely make my way to the bathroom.  I get to the bathroom and lock the door because I don't want someone to barge in on me when I'm puking.  Now, shortly before I had gone out that night I had eaten some pizza...we'll get back to that.  So here I am, in the bathroom of this house about the throw up after taking monster hits off a triple bubble bong.  I start throwing up and during the puking process these chunks of undigested pizza crust gets lodged in my throat.  I start choking!  I can't breath, my legs are kicking around and I'm banging on my chest trying to get the pizza freed from my throat!  The whole time I'm gagging I get the feeling that I'm gonna die on this bathroom floor and nobody will be able to help me because I locked the door!  Finally, I get the pizza unclogged and a take a huge gasp of air.  I laid on the bathroom floor for a minute until I collected myself and went back out to join my friends and pretended like nothing happened.  

Drinking is cool but drinking too much SUCKS.  Drink responsibly friends.