Like I said, it was a pretty normal day. I was jogging my normal route making great time. Beats were blasting, my stride was strong and my breathing was controlled. I was feeling good. As I push through the half way mark of my route I look down and spot something out of the ordinary. A discarded wallet! I immediately stop running to investigate the contents of this mystery wallet. And wouldn't ya know it, it's STUFFED with cash! So much so, that the wallet itself couldn't fold in all the way. STUFFED with cash!
Hmmm, what's Plan "B" to do???? Should I leave the wallet where I found it in hopes that this person might come back to look for it??? Should I pocket the cash and leave the wallet?? I decided that I'd take the wallet with me for "safe keeping"and I'd make my decision after I gave a thorough count of the money.
The rest of my jog went like a breeze. My mind was focused on the dilemma of finding a cash filled wallet and not on the pain of running. "Is this a sign from God", I thought? "A gift perhaps for his favorite struggling comedian. Surely he knows my plight, it must be! That's it! I'll keep the money! But wait... what if it's a test of my moral character? Taking the money could lead to a disastrous wave of bad karma, that's the last thing I need! No, I'll return the wallet because its the right thing to do!"
Finally I get back to my workout center and start to riffle through the cash. First count totaled $680 and was confirmed after my second count. I couldn't believe it! I checked the rest of the wallet. Driver's license, credit card, BJ's card, some bullshit papers, 2010 NYC PBA cards, a card with contact info.
This type of situation isn't new to Plan "B". A few years ago I was in Atlantic City with a bunch of goons and found $800 in a bank envelope on the floor of the Tropicana. I kept that shit and BALLED OUT in AC!! Another time I was getting food at a Taco Bell in NYC and a person forgot $200 on the counter. I bagged that shit too! I never gave a fuck about the person who's money it was. I need money! If someone is careless enough to lose/misplace/forget their money in a public place then they deserve to get GOT. That's just the natural order of life!
But this wasn't the same kind of situation. In those situations the money was faceless. I didn't know who's it was or where it came from and I didn't care. This time the money had an identity. A latino man named Erik. Who was Erik? A stupid muthafucker who dropped a wallet with $700 on my running route, that's who! Maybe he was some jackass mexican landscaper who just got money from a client and was on his way to give it to his boss but the wallet fell out of his pocket. There was no way of knowing. I was going to have to make a decision.
I placed a phone call to a number that was listed on the contact information card inside the wallet. Erik picked up the call and I told him that I found his wallet. He sounded relieved. We agreed to meet at his house because it was close to where I lived and I knew the area.
As I pulled up to the address I immediately began to regret my decision. Erik had a nice home on a quiet street with a small sail boat in the drive way and a great view of the Hudson river. Definitely not the type of house where you'd find a mexican day laborer and 14 of his family members living in. "OK, whatever" I thought. A minute later Erik pulls into the drive way in a shinny new Lexus. "you gotta be fucking kidding me!". He greets me with a hand shake and sings my praises for returning his wallet. I tell him through my forced smile that he's lucky and next time he should be more careful with his cash. Turns out he owns a successful restaurant in town! "Grrrreat!!" He offers me some cash as a reward for finding his wallet. I declined his offer, "Erik, if I wanted your money I would have taken the $680 in the wallet." Again, he thanked me and I got into my car. As I'm about to drive off he comes to my window and tells me that any time I go to his restaurant he'd 'take care' of me. He also insisted I take a 50 for my trouble. I couldn't even look at this guy. I just took it and bounced.
Yes I returned the money and yes I feel like an asshole. How do you give away $700!?!? Especially when you have no job!? This guy was no mexican landscaper struggling to feed his family! He was an affluent latino restauranteur who drives a lexus! I'm the struggling mexican!!!
