Rebel without a job

Helloooo all! 

Plan "B" here, off a fresh fantastic week of weather!  I'm really loving the warm weather NY's been having, its a relief after that crushing winter we just had.  word.  

Could that have been Plan "Bs" last NY winter??????????????

Sorry for the recent blog delay's but these days are just too nice to pass up!   As much as I love to sit in my dark apartment writing blogs about my pathetic life or half baked conspiracy theories I'd much rather be doing something out doors.  Plan "B" advocates that all his readers stay physically active.  Some of you readers are getting too fat!  You sit on your computer all day, constantly checking my page, waiting for me to update the blog. (Steadmans Army)  I love you but you're pathetic!  Go outside!  

Plan "B" is physically fit.  If I'm not jogging in 3 miles through rough terrain, I'm exercising my rock hard core.  On the days when I'm not sculpting my greek god like body, you can find me on the golf course.  Golf is cool because its the only sport where you can drink, smoke and gamble while you play! 

Golf is fun but its expensive!  Recently, I've been playing golf like I'm the CEO of a corporation and not like an unemployed comedian.  Not a care in the world!  Most people would be out looking for a job but not me!  Nope!  I'm on a golf course shankn balls and pointing out the massive chemtrails in the sky.  Not a care in the world!  Loving life!    Plan "B" stays living above his means!  I aint joking!   Today, I played a round of golf and had a lobster dinner! BOOM!  I can't even pay my rent, but that lobster was succulent!  People often wonder how I live a Justin Beiber lifestyle on a Corey Haim budget.  Easy. It's a simple a term called "credit card debit".

Having a job would be nice but that would totally get in the way of all the other cool shit I'm doing.  I look at it like this....I'm getting paid to play golf, thanks to Obama and government cheese!   It's kind of ironic that an anti-government, conspiracy theorist is reliant on a government hand out.   Plan "B" OUT! 

Oh really??????

I'm just sayin...

Soooo much going on in the world of Plan "B".  BIG NEWS.  As we speak a Plan "B" theme song is in production!! Lyrics and beats will be provided by rapper/ good friend, straight out of Bluntington NY all the way to Sin City, my main man The Misfit, aka The Prophet!!   This is very exciting news because Plan "B" loves creative collaboration with other talented, Anti-N.W.O minded people.   BigUP's to my man The Prophet.

Some things going on in the world of comedy! Not for me but for other people...  This week was the call for Last Comic Standing.  I didn't go again.  I went one year and it wasn't a pleasant experience.  I waited on line for 15 hours in the cold, only to have the doors shut in my face when some production assistant told me they reached their limit for the day.  Thanks.  Word on the street is some comics I know made it on to the show.  I'm not gonna say who they are cuz....fuck them!  Yea I'm bitter so what!?  I used to do open mic shows with some of these guys back in the day.  They're definitely very funny guys and strong comics, I wish them well.   It just bothers me that they'll be on TV and I'm still slopping around the open mic scene.  I feel like its never gonna happen for me...

Did you fill out the Census???  I didn't.  Fuck that!  The government already knows where I live, they know how much money I make and I'm pretty sure they monitor this blog.  Why do I NEED to fill out the Census!??  And why am I seeing commercials for the Census on TV??  That's a waste of taxpayer money!  Fuck the Census, it's the dumbest thing.   It basically asks you what race you are and how many people do you live with.  That's it...  It's like the part that's 'optional' on applications and questionnaires but now its MANDATORY.   I'm not gonna fill it out just to be a dick...

This whole health care situation is really bothering me.  It's got new world order written all over it.  These politicians rammed this thing down the American peoples throat when a majority of the country was against it.  They needed to pass this bill right away yet it goes into effect in 2014.  Huh? It's 2,000 something pages long and full of shit people don't even know about.  I never read a book more then 500 pages, who the fuck is gonna read all that!?  The whole thing is filled with legal mumbo-jumbo you're gonna go crossed eye'd after page 10!  Plus, things can be amended to the bill once it becomes law (i think).  Things like micro chipping people for "health" reasons???  I dont know, but it gives the government the opportunity to have lots of control over peoples lives.  The worst part is health care is gonna cost nearly a Trillion dollars for a country that is in the midst of an economic crisis and expand the size of an already bloated government.

Look, I like the idea of free health care.  I like the idea of free anything!  I'm poor I can't afford to pay my own rent!  I want everyone to be taken care of!  But, usually when you get things for free it's not as good as the shit that costs money.  Sure it's free, that's cool... but how's the quality??   So, you're having surgery done for free but who's doing the surgery Dr. Nick???   I got a bad feeling about this...

Close encounter of the 33rd kind...

Plan "Bs" blogspot has landed him in the light of the New World Orders all seeing eye!!



Last night I attended a birthday party/ benefit at a local bar.  The birthday was for a friend and the benefit for something that I cant remember, but I do remember not giving any money toward the cause.  Fuck that.  Plan "Bs" money only goes to food, rent, and intoxicants.

So here I am at this party, getting boozed up.  A small gathering of around 40 people.  Not much in the way of eye candy but a few cougars on the prowl (I went home alone).   The bartender was attentive and always ready with a cold beer when ever I approached the bar.  Fine service!

My friend drags me around the party introducing me to small pockets of people.  I marvel each group with some quick humor and sharp wit, thus adding to my already hilarious reputation.  At the end of the 'friend tour' I find myself standing at a bar table with some people I didn't know.  I was eating some buffalo wings w/ a fresh beer making chit chat with this guy and his girlfriend.  They seemed cool enough.  We glossed over the usual bullshit party conversation.  You know, "what do you do?" Etc.  That's when things got strange.

The convo was nothing out of the ordinary.  I most spoke with the boyfriend about whatever.  That is until the subject of politics came up.  He was the one who broached the subject by making some half hearted joke about government being 'too big'.  I was glad he brought it up, Plan "B" never misses an opportunity to spread the word about the globalist agenda.  Plus I had watched some great videos on Infowars.com earlier in the day so I was all jazzed up and ready to debate!  I humored the dude with a laugh as to not make him feel so awkward then followed by saying that I wasn't a fan of government big or small.   He goes on to ask me if I was a Republican or a Libertarian.  I told him I was more of the anarchist type.  He paused for a second and casually says "well, maybe I shouldn't tell you this but I'm a 6 year Freemason..."  Whaaaaaaaat!?!?

Freemasons.  They're the secret society scum that's behind global government and the New World Order.  Plan "Bs" sworn enemies!  Something wasn't right.  Surely he knew who I was...

I played it cool as I continued to match wits with this low level Freemason.  I pressed him on certain topics to see if he would crack up.  He insisted that he knew nothing of the massive plot to implode global economies thus forcing the creation of a one world government.  How convenient... He tried to convince me that the Freemasons were "a brotherhood, who only do good for their communities".  I wasn't buying that shit.  He was clearly trying to engage me in some type of psychological warfare by lulling me to sleep with his propaganda.  Crafty Freemason!

This was a sticky situation.  Plan "B" was exposed. Out in the open. No back up.  No Plan B!  WTF!?  Paranoia starts to run wild.  What was this Freemason up to??  Did they know I was here!?  Are they following me?? Was this a diabolical plot to drag Plan "B" out of hiding!?  Who else here was a Freemason!?  How could I be so stupid!?!  

I calmly excuse myself from the conversation by announcing my need for another beer.  I scan the room for threats as I make my way toward the bar.  Everyone seemed like a suspect... except the bartender.  He sure was a happy looking mothafucka. Standing behind the bar with a cold beer ready for me before I even asked for it!  Talk about service!  I grab the beer and take a long swig to calm my nerves.  Things were getting blurry.  Only 4 beers in and I'm this fucked up??  Something's up...

I get back to the table ready to continue my interrogation of this Freemason operative.  All the sudden I started getting the sweats.  The room was going dim.   Images were blurry and moving slow.  Peoples voices were distorted.  "Are you all right??" Someone asks.  I look up in a moment of clarity and see the Freemason giving a nod to someone behind me.  I turn around to see the bartender returning the nod with an evil smile upon his face.  He must have been poisoning my beers!  And to think all this time it was good service!  I even tipped the guy! Geez!

I lose my balance, knocking bottles and glasses off the table.  I again excuse myself and stumble toward the bathroom.

In the bathroom I'm franticly splashing water on my face.  I keep telling myself to remain calm.  Suddenly, the bathroom door swings open.  I stop what I'm doing.  "Is everything ok....Plan "B"?"  It was the Freemason.  My worst fears were confirmed.  The Freemason approached me slowly as I backed up against the wall.   He starts talking about my blogspot, how I needed to shut it down and shut my mouth or else.  "Or else what?!?" I said.   He pulls out a silver blade with a serrated edge from his pocket.  "Or else this!" He lunges at me!  Slashing the blade toward my neck! I duck and weave, evading the blade at every slash and poke.  We tussle in bathroom, as I try to wrestle the knife out of his hand   I lock on to his knife hand with my 2 hands and forcefully drive him back against the bathroom wall.  The knife breaks free and falls to the ground.  I ram a few knee shots into his rip cage knocking him down to the ground then I break for the bathroom door!

I burst out of the bathroom and quickly make my way toward the nearest exit.  The bartender, noticing the commotion, jumps out from behind the bar and starts chasing after me with a wooden baseball bat!

I get out of the bar and it's pouring rain.  The rain on my face helps to break up the effects of the poison put in my booze.  Running down the street, the Freemason operatives are hot on my trail.  I sprint in the direction of  my car which was a few short blocks away.

As I reached the parking lot the bartender had caught up with me.  He swings the bat and catches me in the back of the leg!  I stumbled then fell hard to the ground.  He swings and hits me with a shot to my right shoulder area!  Man that hurt!  Now the bartender is standing over me.  He tries to tomahawk smash me in the head but I catch the barrel of the bat just as it's about to meet my face!  I kick the bartender in the balls, momentarily crippling him,  then I used his body weight against him and flipped him over me.  I struggle to get to my feet.

By this time the Freemason was rounding the corner with blade in hand.  I was holding the baseball bat.  The bartender was on the ground reeling in pain from my testicle kick.

The Freemason reaches at me for a stab but I ninja-block it with the bat and follow up with a spinning back hand punch!  He's bent over in agony holding his face probably because I broke his jaw with my hammer fist.  I send this Freemason villain to the ground using a viscous leg sweep.  Out of nowhere the bartender reemerges, trying to choke me out from behind!  A powerful headbutt with the back of my head sends him stumbling back with a broken nose.  I finish him off with a blow to the head from the wooden baseball bat.  I relax and breathe a sigh of relief...  I drop the baseball bat on the ground...

Suddenly, I'm blind side tackled on to the hood of my car by the Freemason! This guy dont quit!  He tries to jam the blade into my throat and I'm using all my strength to stop him!  It got really close! We struggle for control of the knife.  My arm breaks free and I deliver a powerful left elbow across his face.  The knife shakes free and I grab it. Without any hesitation I stab him 3 times under his armpit, prison style.   His lifeless body slides to the ground.  I got in my car and BOUNCED!

I got home and popped an Ellios into the oven all that fighting and killing had made me hungry!


EDITORS NOTE: 90% of this story is bullshit

    

Knowledge is Power!

As you all know Plan "B" has vowed to fight against the New World Order.  I found this video on youtube last night and I think its a great depiction of what's going on with the US economy right now and in the coming future.  It's kinda scary but dead on.  Take some time out and watch the video and lemme know what you think.

CURLING!!

Hey everybody Plan "B" back with some blog action!

Just wanted to say thanks to all the followers of the Plan "B" blogspot.  There's been a lot of positive response to the site and Plan "B" appreciates the love.   Keep voting on the poll and dont be afraid to post some comments!  I know a lot of you have some smartass comments you're thinking of so put em down, I aint scared to battle!

Another snowy day here in NY, yippy.   I'm just chillin at my crib, former known as "the crackspot" now known as "the fortress of solitude".   You been watching the winter Olympics?? Yea, me either.  Not a big fan of the winter Olympics, even thought they tried to spice it up this year by killing that Luger.  Total ratings ploy.

The one event I am a big fan of is CURLING! Curling is the shit!  In case you dont know, Curling is the event where one guy throws the rock and the other guys use the brooms to sweep the ice.   It's like Bocce ball but on ice. Curling is HUGE in Canada.  It's the second most viewed sport in the country behind, of course, Hockey.   Curling in America really isn't that big but it's been gaining in popularity...it was even the focus of a Simpsons episode recently where Marge and Homer become Olympic Curlers.  Hilarious!



Most people who watch Curling think that it's really easy and that anyone could be good at it.  Let me tell you, its not as easy as it looks...but it kinda is.  Allow me to explain.  After the last winter Olympics, in whatever country it was at, I was hot for Curling.  Being the excellent athlete that I am, I was looking for a new sporting challenge and Curling was the drink that would quench my thirst.

As luck would have it, there was a Curling club in near by Westchester that was hosting an open house for new members.  I found a crew of like minded individuals who were down with Curling and we formed a team.  We all went in feeling pretty confident that we'd do it a few times, become awesome at it and eventually be contenders for the 2010 Olympics.  We were wrong.

Curling is a game of precision and accuracy.  You need to have strong balance if you're gonna be any good at it because you're running on ice.  Our team would always Curl on Sunday mornings, which wasn't good for balance because we'd always show up hungover.  Many a busted ass.  After a match the club preferred teams hang out in the clubhouse and socialize.  The clubhouse was really nice, it was like a ski lodge, but we hated the forced socialization.  The people at this particular Curling club were some of the biggest nerds I'd ever seen in my life.  We were the youngest group of people there, everyone else was like 45 years old and up.  If we weren't talking about Curling there would be a lot of awkward silence.

Our team struggled throughout the season.  We maybe won 1 or 2 games if that... Like, I said it's not as easy as it looks on TV.   You get mad tired when you're trying to sweep that ice and run at the same time!  I enjoyed playing all positions on the ice (there's 4 of em ) but the best part of Curling is when you get the throw the rock, or also known as the stone.   That's the time when you get to slide on the ice!  Mad fun! The club provided players with teflon 'boots' that you'd attach to the sole of your sneaker.  That shit would make you fly down the ice!  If you couldn't handle the teflon 'boot' they'd give you some hospital type cloth you could put over your sneaker but you wouldn't slide as far.  It was for pussies.  I was the only one on our team to master the teflon... clearly I was the best!



The season ended and so did our hopes of becoming Olympic Curlers.  Like I said, I was the best on the team.  I probably would have made the Curling All-Star team if they had one, but they didn't.  Our team never returned for a second season, mainly because 2 of us never paid the club fee to play.  That shit was $200!  Plus the cost of drinks during the forced socialization!   The club still sends me a bill every month and laugh at their persistence.  I rip it up and throw it in the garbage but at the same time remembering the great times I had Curling while hungover.